Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Eastward Bound; a Hippie with a Degree

Sometimes living in this apartment is scary...like RIGHT NOW! The other night, as I was dozing off to the land of dreams, or salivating upon pillows (depends whether you're an optimist or pessimist) I heard a crash. And, my heartrate increased and my irrational fears took over. I kept thinking back to "Bowling for Columbine" and how Terry Nichols brother had a gun under his pillow, and I kept thinking, how smart. That's right...HOW SMART! That's just crazy talk! The other thought that popped through my head was "If I run real fast and grab my knife, I could go undetected by the bad men, and be safe!" Needless to say, I couldn't have been that frightened as I did eventually fall asleep.

However, right now, there was an odd noise followed by another odd noise. "House settling" noises as your mother probably told you when you were little. That is just silly, house settling noises are garbage! Anyways...I'm not soo frightened right now. The weirdest part of the whole irrational fear thing is how just plain stupid a person (well, me!) reacts. I always think "if I stay in this spot, I'll be safe". As if the intruder couldn't find me in plain sight in my two room apartment (four including bathroom and kitchen)

It's times like these that I wish I had training in Judo.

So, my life (almost) has direction! I thought to myself....self, what do you like, and what do you want to get out of your life? And I said...that's easy! Help people, help the planet, run for office,...be in a position to be a philanthropist!....ooh, invent a cure for cancer, hunger, global warming, etc. etc., be really hot and have a hot husband....spread love and joy, be secretariat general of the UN!, be alive when evolution gives chimpanzees the ability for spoken language, and be a forerunner for equal citizenship of chimpanzees!, travel the world and visit every continenent, attempt to see every country, etc. etc. So...as you can see I have direction at last :) Seriously though, I do have a better idea of what I want to be doing. I'm actually prepared to go back to school after I travel and work for a few years, to study natural resources and conservation, or environmental policy, or something along this level. I have even looked at schools (are you shocked!). My favorites being (a far far reach, but I'll apply for the hell of it!) Harvard...and than the schools that are realistic for me: University of Edinburgh (all the way in Scotland), Boston University, and SUNY ESF (Environmental science and forestry). This is just a primary idea, however, I love Massachusetts, I love Scotland, and these are the schools that I have always wanted to be at.

But first! I am eastward bound. I have almost decided that after studying in South Africa I will work in New Zealand for six months. There's a company that allows me to do this quite easily. I'd love to live and work in Wellington, or on the ski slopes...and as I will already be used to the seasons being completely opposite of where I live (in South Africa this is how it is) I shall have no problem with this! And than, after six months of New Zealand, I want to work in Europe...than, off to school...and than! Who knows, and who cares.

As always, expect changes. All who have known me are well aware of my frequent last minute, life altering changes that I so enjoy indulging in. I see my plans as more of a guide than a set course. I am still searching and keeping my eyes wide open to new paths and possibilities. I do not like the idea of keeping myself locked into plans that do not concern me tomorrow. I do not wish to hem my growth in any way.

I once took this online silly test in which I looked at a bunch of ink blots and answered questions about them. In the end, it turns out that my subconscious is driven by curiosity. I think about that sometimes, and wonder about it.