Thursday, September 25, 2003

It's such a beautiful thing, this musical thing

I just listened to one of my favorite pieces of music. It's this incredibly simple piano piece written by Thomas Newman for the Little Women soundtrack. It is called the Valley of the Shadow if anyone is interested. I was listening, completely absorbed and trying to figure out what made it so special. It is, afterall, only a melody repeated a couple of times. There isn't even much to the piano piece itself. Any intermediate or advanced beginner piano player could easily learn it. The only addition to the melody the piano brings is a few chords really. Yet in spite of this it is amazingly moving. The breaks and pauses are haunting, the pianist draws each note amazingly well. There is such feeling behind it. Even the strings in the beginning are heart breaking. It makes me wish I could spend my life in a song, and on a piano bench. I really do feel something is missing from my life every once in awhile. It sort of hits me, from out of nowhere. It is a loss, and I grieve it. I miss having music in my life. I miss having a piano to sit down to and lose myself in for hours. I miss having the drive and the focus and the love. I miss how simply and pure it used to be. I wrote a really good song when I was 8 years old that led me to wish to be a composer. But than, I grew up. It is funny, I actually think that I am a good writer, and a good speaker, yet, there's nothing that unnerves me more...performing and doing things that I am good at. I never really considered myself to be a perfectionist until recently, when I started paying attention to how I react and how I expect things of myself...and that's all I feel is necessary to say about that.

Music is everything to me. It breaks my heart that I am not involved with it anymore simply because I won't allow myself to not be perfect.