Saturday, April 26, 2003

So....I have officially decided to transfer back to Buffalo. After leaving it, I realize that it wasn't all too bad, in fact, it's kinda a good school! Actually, I really think that it is a great school, and besides...I could get out of it much quicker, and that's always a good thing. It's really quite nuts, the story of my collegiate career. I go to UB as a Comm major...already have had an internship in a sports department, and get my second at a Buffalo station. Decide, that's not for me, take an anthropology class, LOVE it, and do that. Decide I want to do History too. Decide, I don't really want to go back to school. So, I go to Nature's Classroom, and than I decide, I really don't want to go back to Buffalo. So, I transfer so that I can be a History major and Education major. Get here, don't really like it, decide no more Education...just history...oh, and how about some anthropology! Great, withdraw from one class, withdraw from a second after I decide, no more history. Just anthropology. I'm a part time anthropology student. And than, I finally realized what I knew the whole time, I should have stayed at UB. Appreciate the place much more and now I'm back at UB, as an Anthropology major. It reminds me of a quote...
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I intended to be
It really has taught me soo much though...this whole experience. I think I learned for sure to just follow your heart. Had I not, I wouldn't have gone to NC, I wouldn't have gone to Scotland (which are related, no matter how unrelated they may seem) I wouldn't have gone to Geneseo, only to find out that where I really wanted to be was Buffalo (Scotland excluded). Although I'm sure to everyone my life choices seem totally nuts and unfocused, I'm glad that I have just gone with not knowing. I'm glad that I allowed myself to search and question, to be miserable and "frump girl", to turn my back on everything, to be confused!! Otherwise, how would I know where I am supposed to be and what my purpose is? I don't think that I would. I think that I would still be believing that life is about graduating in four years, getting good grades, getting a quality job that pays money, marrying, and going out to have a good time every once in a while. But, I don't believe any of that, in fact, I don't really know what I do believe for sure, except that there's sooo much life to live in the time that we're given, and it's completely wasted by not being confused and lost. Silly, I know. But, I feel happy for all the people who tell me now that they don't have a clue what they want to do. I think that it's just having the guts to try stuff out. Maybe that's what I've been trying to say in this slightly long entry. Just go with it, and just try. Geneseo is a total bust, but, now I will appreciate UB and my friends more. I feel soo, content. I haven't felt this way, in a long long time. One more quote that is my favorite, which very eloquently says in a few words what I have been attempting to in 500:
Sail away from your safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails....explore, dream, discover
~Mark Twain
I hope I inspire someone out there to allow themselves some spontonaity

Anaheim won again...I will say no more because I am cursed and don't want to jinx them...and I'm sad too. But, that's a whole different story. One I don't feel like sharing...

I am transferring back to UB! If I fall....and yay! :)

Crazy weekend:
8:30pm: Decide to go to Buffalo, talk to Jenn, get a random girl's number to reach her at, and go...silly me for thinking it would work out nicely
9:30pm: (Yes, it's an hour drive) Get to Buffalo, call Jenn, no one answers...panic slightly
9:35pm: Call again, Claudia answers and she is quite...hmmm, drunk, talk to her and Jenn, both are totally pissed (it's the European expression for drunk...I prefer it these days) and they both keep accidentally hanging up...panic increases
9:36pm: Call again, and again....each time conversation goes something like this:
"Hello Colleen!!! I have to to Jenn"
"COLLEEN! I have to pee soo bad...we're in ALumni arena...I am totally drunk"
"Jenn...where should I meet you guys??"
"I have to pee!! Here, Claudia is going to talk to you"
"JENN!! Where to meet..."
"I can't hear you....colleen, I can't hear you..."
Click...hang up
9:35-9:40: Call again, conversation's are similar
9:40: Call Tim...he's at work till midnight, call Andrea, doesn't pick Amanda, she's downtown and highly amused (I hope so) that I am stranded...panic factor maxes out...and this is a really amusing situation factor replaces it
9:45pm: turn around...I am going to drive an hour back to Geneseo
10:10pm: I hear my phone beep (the music was a bit too loud, couldn't hear the ring) and it's none other than Jenn Tuttle herself! Telling me to call
10:15pm: Call again, this time, talk to Jenn, it makes a bit more sense...and I decide to go back after driving about 30 minutes away...turn around at Batavia and get back on the thruway towards Buffalo.
10:45pm: Make a pit stop...and some weirdo wants me to drive him to Buffalo...I lie and say I'm not going that way...I wasn't going to take my chances on this night
11:00pm: Get to Buffalo, call Claudia, and she's there! But, Jenn was not...go to Claudia's apartment and meet LeeAnn and all three of us go to a party...FINALLY!
11:30pm: Drank a whole lot of alcohol in a small amount of time...silly me...the driving must have gotten to my good sense
12:00pm: Go back and forth from party...LeeAnn and I attempted to play Fousball...and we lost to some sausages :)
12:15pm: I hear Jenn Tuttle's voice and all is happy and great in the world!! By this time I'm wearing some ugly Mets helmet and being far too loud and LeAnn and I are laughing heartily at many jokes that can not be repeated here...
1:30pm: Follow Jenn Tuttle home because I love my Jenn Tuttle, promising some cute boys I would return, but instead I wrote a few emails that Jenn saved for me instead of sending (THANK YOU JENN!) and I pass out on the couch
it is now 9:00am and I am off to Oozfest to watch Jenn and all sorts of volleyball fans get really muddy!!!! Yay for Buffalo...I love it here...why did I leave?????????? Maybe I left so I can appreciate all the great people here in the first place...that's as deep as I get this morning....
OOH! I also decide that I want to learn how to DJ! It's something I've been thinking about, and now it is time to turn into reality...I need a name, I was thinking DJ white girl! Yes, it needs work...:)

Friday, April 25, 2003

I just watched a six year old on tv that is way cooler than I will ever hope to be...soo sad! And, also quite funny :)

So, I'm feeling...depleted. Sad and depleted. I think it must be the weekend, and school, and the computer. Sometimes this thing makes me really unhappy. I also have a raging headache. Right now, I don't think that Dallas losing would bring me too much joy even. Maybe I am just tired, or I haven't had enough water today. Whatever it is, I hope it doesn't last. Hmm, maybe I should get some water...

Go Mighty Ducks! It was really satisfying to wake up and find out that the Ducks took Dallas to school! FIVE overtimes...five people...that is huge. But, I realized something watching the game last much I loathe Dallas. Bastards. The main reason for my hate is the fans. WANKERS! I think that they're worse than Kings fans. I could cite soo many reasons, but I won' would make me too mad.
Hockey 101: Today's lesson, playoff OT (overtime) The overtimes in hockey are 20 minutes, the same as a period of regular play. So...since there are only three 20 minute periods of regular play...that means that they played the equivalent of an extra game and two thirds of another game in overtime! The fourth longest game in NHL history. The overtimes are sudden death too, which means the first one to score wins.
Terms to know:
Petr Sykora: The hero of the game...scored early in the fifth OT, final score 4-3
Wanker: A Dallas Star fan
Bastard: A Dallas Star
The most beautiful man in Hockey: Paul Kariya of the Mighty Ducks
STUUUU: Something you won't hear a Wanker shout (sniff)

Thursday, April 24, 2003

Paul Kariya....nuff said :)

I'm sad. A very good friend will be difficult to reach starting Sunday. It is amazing how quickly a person can enter your life and affect it. I don't know how I feel about destiny and fate, but someone told me that souls travel together. And, when you meet a soul that you knew in lives past, than you feel a connection. When I think about all the people I cherish in my life, I tend to think that maybe there is some truth to this. It is sad to me how far away all those people are. Massachusetts, Michigan, Buffalo, England...I guess this is partially my fault. I should stay still as opposed to leaving places for a new destination. Maybe I should learn to feel content with where I am. But it doesn't satisfy me as much as the thought of different and new. When people ask me where I'd most like to go, I honostly can not say there is one place that sticks out. I feel as though I'd like to go everywhere! I tell everyone that I have no direction, but I think that I do. I know that I want to write and play music. I know that I want to travel, i know that I want to explore. I feel restless when I'm in one place for too long. So, I suppose that it's just part of my life choice that my friends are everywhere but here. But, in the end, I am really happy that I met Rich and that I have another great friend, no matter how far away he may I suppose there's nothing soo sad about that...and plus I recruited another fan for the Sabres :)

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Gary Oldman is playing Sirius Black in the next Harry Potter...YAY!

Is it bad to be addicted to this sort of thing?? Probably, as I have been slacking off on my homework lately...interesting that the strange inner accent disapears when my ponderings aren't very fun...a great album everyone should have is Grace by Jeff Buckley.

I think I'm addicted to the Blog

I noticed I have an inner-voice accent that is somewhere between English and Canadian when I write. Strange.
Alrighty than, Cheerio, eh!

I was driving back to Geneseo today when I saw a truck for a sweetener. However, it was shaped like one of those trucks that carry I started wondering if the sugar in the truck was to be poured out due to a disaster of some sort, tons of sugar would be dispersed all over the highway. Do you think that it would be sufficient to shut down traffic? I can't imagine sugar having the same effect on cars as say banana peels or marbles. So, my guess is no. Is corn a vegetable? I also had a dream last night in which I went to punch a guy in the head because I was so angry with this person who shall remain anonymous. Instead, I woke up and my knuckles hurt. I had punched the wall. I was soo angry with this person that I punched a wall. Bastard.
I'm off to save the world!

So, apparantly my nickname bean has a dirty meaning in England. How sad to discover that such an innocent and sweet thing like a nickname from childhood is viewed as a very dirty thing in another country! But, as I am American, it's staying!!! I hope nobody put themselves through the torture of watching horrible hockey last night. It was disguisting, how awful the Leafs played. I felt ill. At least the Wild won!!! Yay for the underdogs...(sorry Amanda, but welcome to the world of a Sabres fan, it's not fun, is it?) I need vegetables. Any vegetables. I am writing a story of a vegetable revolution. It stars an asparagus named Pauly who is rising up against vegetarians all over the world. But, the only other vegetables I can think of are celery, it's stuck in my head. Very strange to have the word celery run through your head. I am talking to a friend that I haven't spoken to in a while (Erin Graves!) and we are remembering when we used to talk in a Scottish accent. Sometimes I miss high school, but that thought goes away pretty quickly.
So, celery,
Colleen (BEANERS!)

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

I have been deepest thoughts and yearnings are now for the public to view. Well...maybe not all of them. I suppose that time will tell just how deep this will be. It most likely will involve college angst over exams and papers, the quiet sufferings of a Sabres/Bills fan, (down with Dallas), and hopefully not too many expletives for the younger viewers. Right now I am lost for words and my mind is wandering to three hours from now when three, THREE game sevens will be played. If only the Sabres were in the playoffs. I have decided that I need to follow baseball again, and my heart is leading me to the Boston Red Sox and the New York Mets. It was the Field of Dreams, that damned movie, that made me realize just how great baseball is. Or, perhaps it is just a phase. I have those. Frump girl was the latest...well, my ramblings are at an end for now. For today! Mwhahaha. It is starting, first I have an innocent website with my thoughts, next I'll be publishing my ideas on internet newspapers, than real magazines, maybe it'll lead to my own syndicated cable show, and than, network! I'll have reruns on Comedy Central, they'll be weekends dedicated to ME! I'll be everywhere: posters, billboards, tv, radio, I'll be translated into EVERY language in the world, I'll have followers! I'll be President, and than, I'll take over the world!! MWHAHAHA!
My cohort...hehe...good stuff